my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize