my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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