Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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