Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
