I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
