kristin has been a bad kristin
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
