His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize