I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your cock deserves a montage
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize