Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
