fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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