uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
