I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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