Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
