Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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