i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize