she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
