I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
