Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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