I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
