lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
