I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
