Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
