So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
