What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
