I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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