my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
