he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
