i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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