Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you bring me the toilet please
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
