dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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