perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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