I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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