Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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