if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
