who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
