Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
