That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize