I hate all girls vehemently.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
