Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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