You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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