It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Houston, we have a blender
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
