i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize