i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
how does that bad decision feel?
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