Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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