i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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