im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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