Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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