Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize