history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
