hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
did i walk over a car last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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