Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
