That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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