They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
