it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
