she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When are your genitals available?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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