I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
