she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
