I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
