A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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