His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
