hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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