Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
