We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
