I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
