Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
