she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
