Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
