Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
