"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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