I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
