I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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