dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I love you. Go after that dick
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
