My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
