She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
